kathleen’s Sabbatical

July 14, 2025 - August 23, 2025

Pastor Dan gifted me a playlist he built to be the soundtrack of my sabbatical. It was often on in the background and became a treasured gift.

leading up to sabbatical

As mentioned in my report, I was at risk for burnout in 2025. Since the spring of 2024, I experienced significant loss with several heroes from my formational years dying, leaving, or ghosting me. There were several other factors that contributed to my burnout, however, I won’t take the time to list them here. It just so happened that 2025 was also my 7th year of ministry at HLAC. I came in 2018 to temporarily cover for the previous youth leader who left abruptly before Easter. With the leadership’s approval and encouragement, I began planning my sabbatical for the summer. I needed to lead the trip to LIFE Conference in July but come back in time to start the school year with my piano students in late August/early September. That’s how we landed on six weeks of sabbatical.

Anxiety, exhaustion, apathy, and depression were taking over my inner world. I felt like I was at war, like I was constantly fighting to survive. I was experiencing anxiety attacks more often. They were getting more intense and exhausting. In the midst of my inner turmoil, God began preparing my heart for the rest and joy that sabbatical would bring. The phrase that kept coming to mind, what I firmly believe was a promise from God, was, “The war is over.” In addition to this promise, God led me to passages including Ezekiel 37, Jeremiah 17:16, and Psalm 27. God was reminding me that He is the God of life and that He was restoring mine. There was a moment last year where I wasn’t sure that HLAC would have a youth group moving forward. I was convinced that I was out of a job because there would be no students to disciple. While at the Alliance’s Council last summer, I had 30 minutes before I was meeting friends for dinner. I found a quiet corner and asked God what passage of Scripture to read. That’s when I flipped open Jeremiah 17 and came across the verse that says, “Lord, I have not abandoned my job as a shepherd for your people.” I was shocked at how direct the message felt. At the time, it felt more prophetic, like I would not abandon my job as a shepherd to the youth. It was something to sit with as I was wrestling with my future in ministry. The last message I got from God in preparing for sabbatical was at LIFE. Our group was in the first session when we were asked to take a posture of surrender for the prayer time. This is what I recorded in my journal from that time. During the prayer time, we were asked to put our palms up. My palms felt weighty. Like I was holding something. I thought maybe it was just the way I was holding my hands. But no. I asked God what He was putting in my hands. Silence. Then He said, “This is precious.” I saw hands rising in a cupping fashion as if to support my hands and take the weight of what I was carrying. The weight was gone. I think God was telling me that I was carrying the weight of youth ministry and He was there to hold the weightiness of it. His burden is light because He’s the one supporting the weight…What a gift of God to take away the heavy thing I’ve been carrying.

sabbatical activities

I turned in my cell phone to my sister-in-law on the first day of sabbatical. She monitored it over sabbatical while I borrowed her home phone in order to keep in touch with my family, my best friends, and my allergist. Being unavailable to the world opened up my schedule for restful activities like sleeping, reading, journaling, cooking, hanging out with my family, watching ducks (one in particular with the most beautiful feathers I’ve ever seen), doodling, road tripping, swimming with cousins, shopping, playing piano, and watching movies/shows. I just wanted to feel like a human again. These activities helped with that.

I got to visit my best friends and family while I was away. I visited Amish Country, Indianapolis, Sarasota, Jacksonville, Cape Cod and more that I won’t include for now. During these trips, I experienced God’s generosity, hospitality, and love. One of my dreams for sabbatical was taking a road trip down the East Coast but it didn’t look like that would be possible as sabbatical got closer. This, of course, didn’t stop God. In January 2025, I was checking into my hotel for a youth leader retreat when one of my youth pastor buddies introduced me to a couple that was also attending the conference. We became fast friends and by the end of the conference, I had an invite to stay with them at their home in Cape Cod. Bingo! My family and friends worked so incredibly hard to honor and celebrate this season of rest for me. Spoiled doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt when I was with them. We went to concerts, visited the beach, celebrated birthdays, visited historic towns, did crafts, shared meals, and I even shot a gun for the first time. One of the biggest disappointments of sabbatical was my favorite beach being closed due to hurricane damage. Caspersen Beach is where God made Psalm 23 personal for me. Maybe one day the road will be rebuilt and I can go back.

Being the creative that I am, I made a page full of doodles and lists as a snapshot of sabbatical. You’ll find it below.

experiencing god

Mr. Sherer’s funeral was an unexpected meeting place with God. My mom asked if I would go back to Galion, the place where I was born, for his funeral. We had gone to Galion Alliance together when my dad was first starting out in ministry. One of the questions that I asked God during sabbatical was, “Who am I?” I had lost my sense of self in the midst of burnout. I felt I got the answer while attending this funeral. Looking around the room, I saw men and women who came alongside my parents in the first few years of my life. I saw Tim, a band teacher and pianist, with a pencil in his mouth at the piano making last minute adjustments to a piece the family had just added to the order of service. I sat with Amy, a teacher and mom, who joked with me and my mom like one of those friends who you just pick right back up with regardless of the amount of time you’ve been apart. Pastor Rick and I talked about how we serve our respective districts behind the scenes and share an SDI type (blue-green for those familiar with the Strengths Deployment Inventory). But back to the funeral. The stories about Mr. Sherer’s life were inspiring. Even though he was a successful, high-ranking officer in the Coast Guard, his character is what people focused on as they reflected on his life. They focused on how he loved and respected those around him. How he was a present and intentional family man and friend. He lived a quiet life, working hard behind the scenes to shape people and environments. He was well rounded, enjoying sports, nature, and music, and used those avenues to connect with family and friends. The more I learned about his life, the more I hoped that this was the kind of person I’d become. As I reflected on my time at the funeral, it struck me that I’m a mix of the people in that room. I come from leaders, musicians, teachers, and pastors. These people don’t seek out the spotlight, but rather, they invest in relationships to advance the Kingdom of God in their respective vocations. An unexpected visit to my hometown, for a funeral of all things, answered one of my weightiest questions for God and He didn’t disappoint.

I intentionally didn’t attend church during sabbatical. It’s too hard to separate from the work part of church, but I knew I wanted some kind of spiritual direction during my time away. In a conversation with our district superintendent’s wife, she mentioned her friend was being certified as a spiritual director and taking clients. Another answer to my prayers for sabbatical. I scheduled two sessions with Jessica in those six weeks. Spiritual direction was, and continues to be, the best thing I got out of sabbatical. It was during these sessions that I experienced God in the most profound way. During my first session, Jessica asked, “If you could ask God anything, what would it be?” After giving it some thought, I responded, “What do I do with all of the pain I’ve been carrying?” I didn’t hear God say anything. Instead, I saw myself sitting with God on a log in a cove by the beach by my house in Michigan. In this vision, God simply wrapped me in a hug and kissed my forehead, something my earthly father does to comfort me. We watched and listened to the water hit the shore, one of my favorite things to do. I was able to go to the cove later that summer and get some pictures as you’ll see below. The pain wasn’t gone, but experiencing God being present with me changed me. Later, while leading me in a breath prayer, Jessica had me use the phrase, “Loved, loved, just as I am.” This phrase took root in my heart. I began repeating it to myself in moments of anxiety and wrestling. I believed it because of how I had experienced God’s hug and comfort. I was blown away by the Scriptures, poems, prayers, and blessings God gave Jessica to share with me during our sessions. I felt fully known and loved by God in those moments. In one of our sessions, Jessica read Isaiah 58:11-12. Verse 11 stood out to me. it says, “The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” We did an exercise where my soul and its relationship to God was the garden. She asked me to describe what I saw. As I used what we call my “sanctified imagination”, I saw that the garden was full of dead looking plants like when winter comes and all of the blooms are nowhere in sight. The garden isn’t dead, but it appears dormant. My soul felt dormant but I clung to the hope of spiritual spring when God would make Isaiah 58:11 real for me. There were several other experiences during spiritual direction that were helpful in reconnecting with God. Experiencing God’s love in such a personal way changed me over sabbatical. My anxiety began to leave my body. I could be fully present in places and with people. I was confident showing up as myself knowing that God delights in who He has made me.

returning from sabbatical

Over sabbatical, I watched light and life return to my eyes. Brain fog left and my “50 cent word” vocabulary came back. I was in good rhythms with eating and sleeping. I was healthy and alive again. I didn’t want to give that up. On the other hand, I couldn’t wait to get back to work. I felt refreshed and was ready to put my skills and gifts back into action and to see my people. It felt like the start of Mario Kart when the count down is going and your wheels are spinning fast, but you can’t go anywhere. I knew there would be some changes I would implement to keep some of that sabbatical health going. I would try my best to incorporate margin in my schedule and try to eat 3 actual meals a day. I’d do my best to stay away from my phone and focus on one task at a time. I would do my best to not overcommit.

As much as I’m committed to the gathering of God’s people, church services had become difficult for me, especially as a church staffer. Between weekly anxiety attacks while on stage and keeping up with the list of tasks/needs people brought to my attention, there was little room left for God in my mind. I’d heard of a church that practiced sabbath together by taking every 7th week off from service. This gave volunteers, staffers, and others room to rest. I wanted to try it for myself. Dan gave me the go ahead and that’s why you may notice I’m gone every 7 weeks. I have other issues with the current practices of church that I would be happy to discuss in person. I don’t want my story to contribute to the stats of church workers who burnout. I want my story to be one of faithfulness and redemption.

Rest was the most impactful practice of connecting with God in 2025. I’m grateful for the time away. I’m grateful for the people who stepped in to my many roles and kept things moving forward. I’m grateful for the many people that came alongside me to cheer me on and celebrate obedience to God. Mostly, I’m grateful to have experienced Light and Life, my favorite words for God.