Us Forgiving
It was not until I had been walking with Jesus for quite some time that I understood what it meant to do the ‘work’ of forgiveness. As it turns out since that learning began, the work of forgiving others and self have not stopped. While there are plenty of good resources out there, I am again recommending these 3 books to you, will find excerpts of two of them below. As a pastor, I have found that forgiveness is one of the hang-ups for many otherwise mature Christ followers. Sadly for some the bitterness that stems from their lack of ‘working’ at forgiveness becomes a dominant feature of their relationships with everyone around them. Let me close this blog with a word of caution. The writer of Hebrews in the closing section of his letter says this: “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” -Hebrews 12:14-15 Let’s pursue growth in this important area of discipleship. God helping us, we can be merciful and gracious like our Heavenly Father.
Total Forgiveness[1]
Is Not…
Approval of what they did.
Being aware of what someone has done and still forgiving them.
Excusing what they did.
Choosing to keep no record of wrongs.
Justifying what they did.
Refusing to punish.
Pardoning what they did.
Not telling what they did.
Reconciliation.
Is…
Being merciful.
Denying what they did.
Graciousness.
Blindness to what happened.
An inner condition.
Forgetting.
The absence of bitterness.
Refusing to take the wrong seriously.
Forgiving God.
Pretending we are not hurt.
Forgiving ourselves.
[1] Based on the information presented in Total Forgiveness. Kendall, R.T. pgs. 23-46.
“Steps To Forgiving Others”[1]
· Remember forgiveness is not: justifying, forgetting, denying, et al.
· Understand it is probably not the best idea to forgive face-to-face.
· Get alone for a while.
· Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind all that needs forgiven; the people and the specific injuries.
· Make a list of the things the Holy Spirit brings to you, no matter how big or small (spend as much time here as you need; don’t rush).
· Take two chairs and arrange them facing each other, you sitting in one of them.
· In your mind, put the first person from your list in the chair opposite you. Tell ‘them’ everything you can about the offense between you; include your emotions (give yourself permission to cry, feel angry, et al.).
· “Choose by an act of your will to forgive that person once and for all time.” Don’t worry about ‘feeling’ like you are forgiving them; the feelings will follow the act of your will.
· Release the person from the debt they owe you. “Say, ‘You are free and forgiven.’”
· If the person is still a part of your life, choose now to accept them without attempting to change them.
· Thank God for using each person as a “tool in your life to deepen your insight into His grace and to conform you to the image of His Son.”
· Pray a prayer something like this aloud toward each person you seat in the ‘chair’:
“Because I am forgiven and accepted by Christ, I can now forgive and accept you, ___________, unconditionally in Christ. I choose now to forgive you, _________________, no matter what you did to me. I release you from the hurts (take time to name the hurts). And you are no longer accountable to me for them. You are free.”
· At the close of this prayer, pray this aloud as well:
“Lord Jesus, by faith, I receive Your unconditional love and acceptance in the place of this hurt, and I trust you to meet all my needs. I take authority over the Enemy, and in the name of Jesus, I take back the ground I have allowed Satan to gain in my life because of my attitude toward _________________. Right now I give this ground back to the Lord Jesus Christ, to whom it rightfully belongs.”
[1] This information is from: The Gift of Forgiveness. Stanley, Charles. pgs. 173-175.